Meet Project 18′s First Child, Kadek

Well this is officially my 7^th day in Bali. It honestly feels like I’ve been here for a month. I have probably seen more of what goes on here than most tourists ever will.

 If you’re after “what you see is what you get” then this is not the right place to come. The culture here is so complicated and the rules and traditions seem to change depending on who you speak to. I’ve never thought of myself as a feminist but, as I expected would be the case, the rights of women here are appalling. I’m dedicated to respecting other people’s cultures, but there is so much here that makes me feel like a hypocrite if I turn a blind eye. (Tracy, I know for a fact I’m right now, you cannot change the world).

I’m conflicted about almost everything here. I find it frustrating as someone who has an opinion about everything to really feel like I have no idea about anything. Nothing here is ever as it seems and my ability to judge people’s characters has taken a huge battering since I arrived.

The good news is that we now have a house to rent for the orphanage. It’s brand new and, as with everything else here, it’s not what you know it’s who you know. Without having Bev here this whole thing would certainly be do-able, but I can tell it would take much, much longer.

The house is fairly traditional Balinese, but is actually a row of bedsit style rooms each with its own bathroom (complete with hideous Bali toilet). The best thing about this property is that it’s brand new and is just being completed now. It will be ready for traditional opening ceremony and blessing on the full moon (26^th June). After that, we can move in. The other best thing is that there is a vacant block at the rear of the building which at least for the next 12 months will give the kids somewhere they can play. We’ve arranged for a security gate to be installed so the premises are as safe as possible.

It’s not the type of arrangement I had imagined, but I have a Western imagination so nothing ever will be. The main thing is that it’s safe, it’s clean, it’s big enough for at least 16 children in the future. It’s also close to schools and the owner of the building is a police man and knows what we’re doing. Big bonus.

Today we are advertising for house staff, so I hope that process goes smoothly, or it could lengthen my need to stay in Bali – and at this stage, anything that lengthens my stay in Bali would not be appreciated.

When I first arrived in Bali, Bev introduced me to a friend of hers who told me about 2 children who needed help. They were the children of his cousin. On Sunday he took us to “visit” them. We left with a 12 year old girl. How the hell did that happen??

Let me explain two things first. The Balinese seem to think children are children until they are about 22 years of age. We’ve been taken to 3 different families only to find their orphaned children are 18 or 20 years old. Took me 3 days, but I’ve learnt now to ask “how old?” first.

Secondly, the Balinese tradition is that the father of a child is responsible for the children. If a couple divorce and they have children, the mother has no right to the children. They must go with the father. If the father doesn’t want them, then the mother gets to keep them. If the father dies, the responsibility for the children lies with the father’s parents – even if the mother is still alive.

Quite often if a woman chooses to remarry, even if she managed to keep her children after her divorce, then her children probably won’t be welcome in the new marriage. So she abandons her children and they remain the responsibility of the father’s parents. I’m all for men having rights to their children, in fact I think in Australia our system is too biased towards mothers, but this goes entirely to the opposite extreme.

So, with that explained, the father of the two children we met had died some years ago. The children had since been living with their paternal grandparents. The grandparents were incredibly poor, in poor health and very, very old. The entire family were living in terrible conditions. It was clear that this was no place for a child to live. Our friend explained in Bahasa to the grandparents who we were and what we were doing. They nodded and smiled and shook our hands. I asked him to ask them how they felt about the idea he said “they thing it’s good”.

We met a very timid and skinny little girl. Her name is Kadek. Her brother first explained to her what was going to happen. She asked no questions, just packed her meagre belongings of two sets of clothes in a striped plastic bag and was ready to go. Her grandmother began to cry.

I asked our friend to explain to them that they would still be able to see each other and that we would take very good care of her. He was dismissive but told them something. I felt more helpless at this time than perhaps ever before in my life. There was nothing I could do to try to explain the situation in my words. They wouldn’t have understood a word I said.

Kadek with her Grandmother and Brother. Gutwrenching - no matter how right you know it is, every molecule says it's wrong. Is this rewarding? No, it's painfully difficult.

Kadek said goodbye to her grandmother. There were no hugs, they held hands for a moment. Kadek started to cry also. A hundred things went through my head. “Is this right?”, “Is there another way?”, “What the f**k am I doing here?”  And more than anything “I want to go home”.

I surprised myself at how composed I managed to be. Behind my sunglasses tears started to form, but I composed myself and remained calm. She sat next to me in the back seat of the car. I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be ok. I couldn’t speak to her and if Grandma didn’t hug her, clearly it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to do so.

Kadek will stay with her “uncle” until the orphanage is ready to open. I’m looking forward to being able to sit down with her one-on-one with an interpreter to hear her story, instead of just what I’ve been told. I asked her uncle to ask her what she wants to be when she grew up. He laughed and just told me she didn’t know. He didn’t ask her. It made me sad.

She is beautiful, timid, quiet, shy, scared, lost and I have one hell of a job ahead of me to help her find herself. I am also now responsible for her, as far as I’m concerned, for as long as she lives.

 Kadek is obviously too old to buy toys or dolls. I’m not sure what I could buy her to give her something to do and ease her mind. She speaks no English at all. I asked her uncle but he laughed at me. So, my lovely readers give me your ideas.

The battle continues.

Smile for the camera, but the tears tell a different story. All of our children will be available for sponsorship at $30AU per month by credit card. If you would like to sponsor Kadek, please contact me through the contact page.