Try a Little Tenderness
Ok, so I wasn’t going to blog today, but I just have to. I’ll try to keep it brief.
I want to talk about tolerance and compassion. I’m tempted to go through the history of how or why humanity got to where it is today, but honestly I think we all know and it’s far more complex than what I could possibly write here to summarise it. Ultimately, it’s irrelevant anyway.
Whilst we continue to reference the past, the future will remain the same.
I went to Bunnings last week and turned into an aisle to be confronted by an elderly man. He had a basket of goods for purchase and his walking cane both precariously perched in one hand, whilst the other felt around in his pocket for his wallet.
He looked up at me and instantly he was flustered, trying to juggle his cane back into the other, now occupied, hand in order to move out of my way. There was no need, I wasn’t in a hurry – no one “in a hurry” goes into Bunnings. He clearly felt as if it was his place to get out of my way, and to do so promptly.
I smiled at him and made a comment about the weather. He sighed with relief, you could see his entire body relax, he smiled back and replied.
The whole exchange was over in the space of just a few seconds but the impression of this man has stayed with me for days. Why did this little old man feel such urgency to get out of my way, why should he feel like this is expected? It was clearly a case that he felt obliged, that he felt he was a nuisance, like my business there was of more importance than his.
I’m a big fan of the elderly, call me old-fashioned but I have a lot of respect for those who’ve lived for 80 years through much greater hardship than most of us can even imagine. So it saddens me to see elderly people so expectant of impatience from others. Are our fore-fathers (and mothers) little more than an inconvenience? Someone to “get in the way” while we rush around to fit as much into our day as we possibly can, at the expense of all others, so we can earn more money, to buy more things to make us “happy”.
I don’t know your name, little old man, but you have every right to take up that space in the aisle of Bunnings, without feeling pressured to get out of my way.
In the old days, it was said that it takes a village to raise a child. As parents we’re so distracted by what we need to achieve, we want to protect our children so we tell them not to speak to strangers. More importantly though, we lead by example. We don’t speak to them either. We don’t acknowledge them. We’ve lost the village.
I’m not suggesting we should go back to the 70s and all let our children wander the streets alone, let me make that perfectly clear. But what does a child learn about tolerance and compassion if they are taught by example “we don’t speak to those people”. What will be the state of the world in 20 years time when our children are grown and are so insulated that they have almost totally evolved out of the ability to empathise with anyone but “their own”.
I’ve learnt over time that it takes no effort to greet a stranger with the same enthusiasm as you meet a friend. That’s not to say you should hug everyone you pass in the street, but a warm smile and engaging in conversation with all people makes a positive impact on everyone’s day. And what’s more, it’s amusing to see people’s reactions. 
You’re no better than the woman who made your morning coffee, or the console operator at the servo where you filled up your car. You have no more right to the road than anyone else and when you choose to complain, you may have more luck if you start with “hello”.
You see, when we get into the mentality of only helping “our own” we compromise humanity. We are all one – “our own” should be all of mankind, regardless of religion, race or social status.
Why not try a little tenderness? Would it really kill you to be nice to someone you don’t know?
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Well said, Catherine. It amazes me how many angry people are on our roads and in the shops. Smiling at people is so easy, but sometimes they are too stunned to smile back! I grew up in a village so I do miss that friendliness. Everyone was busy but not too busy for a hello.
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Nice blog Cate. Couldn’t agree more. I make it my mission every day to smile and say something nice to most people I meet. You never know when your niceness can make a huge difference to someone’s day. Take care. Annie
Annie´s last blog ..Annieb25: A post that really makes you think about this social networking phenomenom – http://bit.ly/bltY3s Pls retweet – a really good read.
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I find a lot of people seem relieved when I smile at them. It’s like they feel they have to put on their serious face and when I make the first move their whole body relaxes into a grateful smile.
I also love to say hello to teenagers when I’m out walking in my neighbourhood. I can see that it gives them a lift that someone is treating them like a human being rather than a delinquent. They are always friendly and chatty in return.
One smile can change a whole day. I hope everyone smiles more today after reading today’s post. Thanks Cate xx
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Spot on.
Sadly stranger danger has put a stop to our kids learning how to communicate with people in society. I try when I am at the shops to let my kids have a chat with people sitting on a seat next to us. I always get my daugher to ask me first and make sure I am there, but I like her to have a chat and be social
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Dear Cate, I always feel better after reading your blog.
You should write a book so we can carry it with us as a reminder of the more important things in life.
Sarah x
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Well said! Share a little love, be a little more friendly, create a happier environment
Michelle´s last blog ..The Carnival of Homeschooling
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Well I find a kindred Spirit, i like to smile at people and love elderly, I also like to get people ahed of me on quie if they have little shopping, and they all seems surprise, I am not,because I always receive the same coutersy, my motto is ” no train ia leaving the station, I am not in a hurry” love your post, love ooxx
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Angela PJ I notice when I smile to stranger some smile back others looks uncorfortable, and they give me a funny look, like “who’s this wacko?” ha ha love ooxx
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Beautifully said Cate.
I too am a fan of the elderly and feel the same with respect. It does not hurt anyone to be civil and respect your fellow human being regardless of age, religion or race.
It often surprises me too how a smile offered up to a complete stranger has an immediate impact on a mood. Perhaps that smile has the added benefit of making sure that the rest of their day is filled with more positivity resulting in the individual feeling good about themselves.
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Much to think about here Cate. I think sometimes I am guilty of hurrying so much that I forget the effect I may be having on others – from my own kids to strangers. But I’m all for a smile and a chat when I’m not. I have resolved to be more mindful and ‘present’ this year – this is just another reminder.
lifeinapinkfibro´s last blog ..Memories of a childhood friend
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Well said, Cate, I agree completely.
It’s funny going everywhere with my 17 mth old, who smiles, waves and says ‘hello’ to everyone she walks past. Many will smile and wave back to her, but lots will also just look at her grumpily and keep walking. It’s so disheartening for my friendly little girl.
Oh, and I always steer her out of the way of elderly people or those who are struggling a little. Best for her young little legs to walk a few more steps and teach her some respect (and that usually gets a smile from said elderly person!).
Megan´s last blog ..Read, Share… Riley Books
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